Growing up in your 30's

Is it possible that we can be asleep or wrapped in a type of bubble wrap just bouncing from one experience to another without really being present or actually feeling it?  Is it possible that some of us just don't really touch the ground until we are in our 30's?  For me I feel like I have been asleep, unconscious for most of my life.  I remember the moment I started to stir from my slumber, when I was about 24 years young I turned my head to look at the 3 children sitting in the back seat of my car and had the sudden realisation that they were real and that I, really was a mother of 3 young boys.  This might sound strange to you...... You may even think I'm a little bonkers. However I have had many moments in my life that I would call A'ha moments, where all the cogs in the wheel simply slot into place and I am very aware of where I am and what I am, in that moment.  Needless to say here I am at 37 years young and realising that I have led a very sheltered and ignorant life and I invite you to consider this possibility for yourself.  Regardless of the myriad of experiences that are thrown at us and the places we find ourselves, how often are we really present and experiencing the depth of the event or occasion?  Are we just rolling along like a stone down a hill, just rolling and rolling? I feel that as I travel along immersing myself into the depths of life and gathering tools for my kit along with a bag full of experiences that I have never processed, I am becoming more aware of the need to slow down and be more present in the experiences. This allows me to go deeper and fully engage in the experience, thus showing me both the dark and the light, showing me all the aspects of an idea, place or emotion.  Is it not important for us to go through this process? If we do this, would we then minimise reactivity and karma? 

I have definately been more alive, present and open in these past 4 years than ever before in my life.  Separating from my husband, breaking ties with my childhood community and becoming my self brought me to a place where I realised, just how sheltered, judgmental, and shallow I'd become.  I was not expanding, growing evolving, but diminishing, and moving in a negative force in a different direction.   It was almost like I had to be reborn and begin again, begin experiencing in a whole new way, without judgment and the courage to go deeper.  
How can courage be built when wrapped in bubble wrap? How can we be bold and fearless when sheltered from the world? Perhaps a leap of faith? Trusting in the universe's  unconditional love to support expansion and growth is easier said then done sometimes.  Although through exploring my creative side, I have found some of these things that I lost.  I remember being a child, fearless, trusting, curious and alive.  I remember seizing the moment, feeling expansive and limitless, this is the feeling I am striving for.  

Its funny that I have had so many "firsts" in my 30's, it's like a rite of passage that I was denied and now I am having the opportunity to do it again.
My first music festival, my first one night stand, my first joint, my first sexual relationship other than my Ex husband, my first night out alone, my first overseas trip alone, buying my first house alone, my first walk of shame, my first road trip, my first open mic session, my first concert and the list goes on.....The opportunity to feel what its like to be human, without the filter, without the buffer and the joy and sadness that goes with that.  I have met so many amazing, wonderful characters that have brought to life stories and parts of my self that lay dormant like seeds waiting for the sun to shine upon them.  Like the cliched butterfly metamorphosis, I have have morphed, transformed, changed and continue to do so and it does not stop.  In this time I have realised that there are so many "normals" and it has brought me to this place of reinventing myself the way I want to be, instead of being a rolling stone at the mercy of the bumps and knocks.  Its up to me to create me, and I love the creating.  
People around me struggle with the change and at times I have felt judged, alone and caged, however the more I listen to my soul, my creativity and intuition, the more I am able to fearlessly step out of the mundane and safe haven that the bubble wrapped community, I once lived in, would like me to stay.
I realise now that I am not alone and that so many people I meet, have experienced so many things, yet this does not always define who they are.  I love that two of my dearest friends, whom are 20 years older than me have so much wisdom to share.  They share with me openly, showing me that it is my rite of passage to explore this world with all my gusto in every aspect.  Sail the widest stretches, trek mountains and sleep in a strangers bed are all legit experiences and are worthy of the energy as everything is.  Everything that I feel the desire or need to know about being human on planet earth, is fair game.

IN my 30's I have had to be reborn, I have had to learn how to crawl and walk again, I have started to find that curiosity and innocence that a child has. Growing up in my 30's isn't easy and sometimes I feel like I'm the only one in the class. Eventually like all children, I will find what I'm good at and know where I fit.  I will find my people and become a conscious citizen of a global and universal consciousness. I will feel this journey, understand my self and know who I am at every moment.
I AM THAT I AM, traveller, creator, writer, artist, mother, singer, dancer, guitarist, goddess, healer, intuitive, abundant and ever evolving being.