PART 2 Growing up in your 30's......

Growing up in my 30’s…..PART 2..

The day I chose to leave my husband was both a day of relief and liberation, yet the of loss my best friend, stability, security and in part, identity.

Seventeen years is a long time to be with one person and at 34 years of age, I guess it was half of my life, the other half being a child with my parents. 

Leaving home at seventeen years of age, I felt I was mature enough and knew all about what I was to do; get a job, get a man, get married and raise kids, not necessarily in that order, though that is what I did.  I mean that’s what every woman in my family did and for the most part growing up in the Yarra Valley it seemed that is what most people did.  This was “normal”.

Who knew that this would not be enough to satisfy my soul and that 14 years after saying “I do” that my souls power would be great enough to send a series of waves that would ripple through me and eventually divide me and my husband.  It seemed my soul had its own journey and mission and it was not going to be tamed no matter how hard I tried to work with it.  It wanted growth!

Already by the age of 31, I’d had 4 beautiful children, 3 biological boys and one daughter adopted from Ethiopia.  It doesn’t need much imagination that the decision to leave was not an easy one.  Really I had everything a modern family could want, a hard working husband, committed to his career and supported us financially very well, a beautiful home at the foot of the Dandenong Ranges, with cowes, chooks and a bungalow to work from.

Yet our marriage, lacked depth, it lacked soul, it was mundane, routine, boring and we as people had come to mirror this. A far cry from the curious, excitable, busy and ambitious child I was.

Looking back now at 37 years of age, I have lived and experienced more authenticity and reality in the last 4 years than I have my whole life.  Spending most of my adult life being an observer of life, it was time to step into and onto the earth in its entirety and this is exactly what my soul was craving, to complete its journey on this planet.  My soul knew that it could not fully experience this dimension being safe and secure in a false reality like my marriage, full of pretending and living on the surface.  It wanted to feel, touch, taste, know and see the world it had come to experience.

In a moment of madness I opted to take the metro train into Melbourne to meet my luscious cousin.  4 weeks I had spent in my mother’s care recovering from major surgery.  The ironic situation of having a hysterectomy 3 weeks after separating from your husband of 17 years was not lost on me.  I likened my surgery as "throwing out an old handbag that you no longer used!" I was itching to get out and experience my new found freedom and singleness.  It had been 8 weeks of thinking way too much about all the flailings of my relationship and all the parts lost, it was time to get out into my new reality.  The conflict between freedom and leaving my husband, I had been wrestling with for over 10 years.  I still think that looking back the decision to go out in the city that night and all the activities thereafter were driven by many years of frustration and denial, an energy force so great, that I did not have time to control, procrastinate or sabotage it, nor did I want to.

Got to Molly moo moo’s about 6pm, I had given moo moo this name when she was a baby and it stuck, as far as her and I were concerned we were sisters! We’d made the executive decision to swap our sisters over, its not that we didn’t love our sisters,  it was more that we felt that we were better at being sisters than our actual sisters were.

At the time moo moo was living in a share house with 3 or 4 others whom I never actually met, as they never seemed to be there, however moo had the front room of a narrow little flat off Rathdowne Street, in Carlton.  It was full of nooks and crannies and part of me wished I had the experience of a share house like this when I was young.  Moo and I had some dinner, shared with a couple of house mice found in the back of the fridge, grotesque! Downed a couple of Corona’s and headed out to the tram stop.  At the time I felt like an 18 year old heading out into the big smoke alone for the first time.  This was really quite ridiculous as I had been out in the city many times in my life, I was driving, drunk ex husband and friends home from the pub at 16! I guess the difference this time was I really was single and 34 years young with 4 kids.  Wow, everytime I consciously thought of that statement, I could not imagine ever being normal in city social circles and was preparing myself for the shocked comments when I shared this information with strangers in the future.

Moo had decided that the best place for us to go dancing was the Irish Pub, and so we walked into the pub on the corner of Russell and Collin Streets at about 9.30-10pm. I have always loved music and grew up listening, singing and dancing to any tune that was on the radio or at any local function we happened to attend (usually football clubs).  The most natural thing for me to do when there was music playing was dance, so as soon as the band started that’s what I did.  I am a confident dancer and always feel good, dancing.  Right from the start I noticed Moo checking out the scene and still to this day I am unsure if her agenda, right from the start was to try and get me hooked up with someone.  I played along, secretly I think I wanted to know if I was still attractive to men.  Just to remind you this was the first time I’d been out, over 18 as a single!

Funny enough I knew I was attractive to the female population, throughout my marriage in various situations I was very aware of the fact that lesbians found me attractive.  As you can imagine this has often raised questions for me, being that the only man I’d ever slept with was my husband.   Growing up in the 80’s and 90’s, there was still quite a lot of stigma around homosexuality and sexuality in general was quite a taboo subject.  The residue of our mothers growing up in the 50’s and 60’s meant that as role models a lot of us were confused about what was considered appropriate as far as advertising ourselves and offering up our virginity.  There seemed to be a lot of old fashioned values and morals woven through a recently modernised world with women becoming involved in business at a management level.  The first time really, that women were starting to be recognized in business.  I mean if you think about this as a timeline, there was a massive shift in the 80’s in Western civilization. This was a time when Madonna released her sex book and that women’s fashion was very masculine. It was a time when girls started to think about careers instead of finding a good husband and raising a family.  Despite these changes many of us could not translate this into our own realities and continued to roll along like a rolling stone. We found ourselves victims of the past patterns and morals.  For me, this was a safe space to be in a rapidly changing world and at the time it felt right to follow on the footsteps of my parents and grandparents despite my soul’s desires and dreams. In essence the idea that I had plenty of time to travel and realize my dreams was still a fantasy I believed in.  I guess some might say I was ‘naïve’.

My mother gave birth to me at 16 years of age in the 70’s a teen mother and a barely adult father meant that I had parents who could relate to me growing up, this had both positives and negatives. My parents in the need to protect us (my sister and I) and show the world that they could be good parents despite their youth, gave me a great fantasy childhood.  I really can’t complain.  Money was often tight, however as they soldiered on dad became a builder and mum always worked part time.  We grew up with horses and sport and were kept busy so that we were not led astray (a method my mother believed in, so as not to repeat patterns of her teen pregnancy).  As soon as I started to show an interest in boys, the ‘talks’ started and having an open relationship with my parents, these talks seemed perfectly natural to me.  However the one thing that stuck and after all these years I find myself in battle with it, is the belief that you should not have sex with a boy unless you want to marry him.  In their efforts to keep me safe, neural pathways were built to keep me from being a victim of an unwanted pregnancy.  Thinking back I believe that growing up so sheltered, naïve and protected meant that I did not trust the world and least of all men.  In the talks, I always felt like men were predators and that we had to be kept safe from them, outwit them. I remember some nights going to bed contemplating all the ways a predator could get in the house and how I would escape from my bedroom.  In the end I got myself so worked up, I went to bed with a sharp butchers knife under the pillow. Observing my mother I noticed she was very quick witted and flirtatious around men, however she gave them nothing and quite often cut them down with her words.  To me at that time she was in control of the men in her life.  Being that she had 8 brothers she could handle herself around men.

When my ex-husband came along we dated for over a year before he asked me to come with him to W.A. Of course in my nature I was adventurous and when I felt safe I felt invincible.  I felt safe with him, he was 6 years older than me and had an agenda.  He knew where he was headed and had a plan.  I liked this ambitiousness and I was happy to oblige him, as it was a chance for adventure.

Needless to say, he was the man I married.  From the age of 16 -35, we were pretty committed and by the time I was 21, husband and wife.  For the first half of our marriage I was happy to support his journey neglecting my own, for the sake of harmony, in our marriage.  At this stage I still believed in forever and that the sanctity of marriage was till death do us part.  I was able to keep my dreams and desires locked away, especially because I was zombie tired raising 3 boys. I believed in the perceived fairy tale of my grandparents post war marriage and had the mantra that if they and my parents could stay together from their teens and raise a family then sure as hell I could do it!

A couple of Vodkas later and Moo and I were dancing up a storm, just being dicks really, letting it all hang out, laughing at each other and having a good time.  Next thing I know we are dancing alongside some “boys” ( Moo always calls them ‘boys’, funny enough no matter there actual age).  I’m dancing away with this guy and Moo with his friend and we are all just having a great time,  a few more vodkas and next thing I’m kissing this guy. At this stage I had not kissed anyone apart from my husband in my whole adult life.  After what seems like 5 mins we decide its time to go, its 1pm and the bar is shutting.   I haven’t been this drunk in a while and feeling quite chuffed with myself, I am happy to go along with Moo’s idea to share a cab with these ‘boys’.

In this moment, I felt like a 16 year old at a high school dance and I was not sure how to be. Thankfully the alcohol probably disguised my cool, indifferent behaviour as drunkenness.  Soon enough we were giggling in the cab and heading back to Rathdowne Street.  I don’t remember much of the next events, and its probably just as well, but I do remember the awkwardness of condoms, sharing a bed with a stranger and feeling surprised that sex with someone else was quite different to what I was used to.  

Part of me was thinking “oh my Buddha is this what I’ve been missing”, and the other half of me, was thinking “ You’re a slut!”, oh and did I mention he was 24 years old, yep the ego was feeling good!

In the morning at 6am, we awkwardly part ways and I am happy to see him leave, not even wanting to recall his name, for the embarrassment of my 16 year old self was too much.  As soon as he left, I had to talk to someone. Moo was still sound asleep and likely to be for a few hours. Besides Moo was used to this scene she was 25 and had been living the single life, she knew the codes expectations and the rules.  I needed a moral and upstanding mother/adult!

I called my bestie Karen and was speaking like a teen that had just lost her virginity for the first time, I suppose in a way, this wasn’t much different.....  Karen laughed and in such a simple, reassuring direct voice she said “ Lou it is just ‘SEX’ relax, its what consenting adults do.” “Breathe, get a shower and go out for breakfast.”.   My inner child’s voice starts telling me that I’m a filthy whore and my adult woman is feeling liberated, unshackled and alive.  This was my initiation into singleness and in a way being a woman.

Growing up in your 30's

Is it possible that we can be asleep or wrapped in a type of bubble wrap just bouncing from one experience to another without really being present or actually feeling it?  Is it possible that some of us just don't really touch the ground until we are in our 30's?  For me I feel like I have been asleep, unconscious for most of my life.  I remember the moment I started to stir from my slumber, when I was about 24 years young I turned my head to look at the 3 children sitting in the back seat of my car and had the sudden realisation that they were real and that I, really was a mother of 3 young boys.  This might sound strange to you...... You may even think I'm a little bonkers. However I have had many moments in my life that I would call A'ha moments, where all the cogs in the wheel simply slot into place and I am very aware of where I am and what I am, in that moment.  Needless to say here I am at 37 years young and realising that I have led a very sheltered and ignorant life and I invite you to consider this possibility for yourself.  Regardless of the myriad of experiences that are thrown at us and the places we find ourselves, how often are we really present and experiencing the depth of the event or occasion?  Are we just rolling along like a stone down a hill, just rolling and rolling? I feel that as I travel along immersing myself into the depths of life and gathering tools for my kit along with a bag full of experiences that I have never processed, I am becoming more aware of the need to slow down and be more present in the experiences. This allows me to go deeper and fully engage in the experience, thus showing me both the dark and the light, showing me all the aspects of an idea, place or emotion.  Is it not important for us to go through this process? If we do this, would we then minimise reactivity and karma? 

I have definately been more alive, present and open in these past 4 years than ever before in my life.  Separating from my husband, breaking ties with my childhood community and becoming my self brought me to a place where I realised, just how sheltered, judgmental, and shallow I'd become.  I was not expanding, growing evolving, but diminishing, and moving in a negative force in a different direction.   It was almost like I had to be reborn and begin again, begin experiencing in a whole new way, without judgment and the courage to go deeper.  
How can courage be built when wrapped in bubble wrap? How can we be bold and fearless when sheltered from the world? Perhaps a leap of faith? Trusting in the universe's  unconditional love to support expansion and growth is easier said then done sometimes.  Although through exploring my creative side, I have found some of these things that I lost.  I remember being a child, fearless, trusting, curious and alive.  I remember seizing the moment, feeling expansive and limitless, this is the feeling I am striving for.  

Its funny that I have had so many "firsts" in my 30's, it's like a rite of passage that I was denied and now I am having the opportunity to do it again.
My first music festival, my first one night stand, my first joint, my first sexual relationship other than my Ex husband, my first night out alone, my first overseas trip alone, buying my first house alone, my first walk of shame, my first road trip, my first open mic session, my first concert and the list goes on.....The opportunity to feel what its like to be human, without the filter, without the buffer and the joy and sadness that goes with that.  I have met so many amazing, wonderful characters that have brought to life stories and parts of my self that lay dormant like seeds waiting for the sun to shine upon them.  Like the cliched butterfly metamorphosis, I have have morphed, transformed, changed and continue to do so and it does not stop.  In this time I have realised that there are so many "normals" and it has brought me to this place of reinventing myself the way I want to be, instead of being a rolling stone at the mercy of the bumps and knocks.  Its up to me to create me, and I love the creating.  
People around me struggle with the change and at times I have felt judged, alone and caged, however the more I listen to my soul, my creativity and intuition, the more I am able to fearlessly step out of the mundane and safe haven that the bubble wrapped community, I once lived in, would like me to stay.
I realise now that I am not alone and that so many people I meet, have experienced so many things, yet this does not always define who they are.  I love that two of my dearest friends, whom are 20 years older than me have so much wisdom to share.  They share with me openly, showing me that it is my rite of passage to explore this world with all my gusto in every aspect.  Sail the widest stretches, trek mountains and sleep in a strangers bed are all legit experiences and are worthy of the energy as everything is.  Everything that I feel the desire or need to know about being human on planet earth, is fair game.

IN my 30's I have had to be reborn, I have had to learn how to crawl and walk again, I have started to find that curiosity and innocence that a child has. Growing up in my 30's isn't easy and sometimes I feel like I'm the only one in the class. Eventually like all children, I will find what I'm good at and know where I fit.  I will find my people and become a conscious citizen of a global and universal consciousness. I will feel this journey, understand my self and know who I am at every moment.
I AM THAT I AM, traveller, creator, writer, artist, mother, singer, dancer, guitarist, goddess, healer, intuitive, abundant and ever evolving being.

To follow your heart....

How often in our current times do we hear the words ‘from the heart’ or ‘follow your heart’? How many of us have ever stopped to consider exactly what these words really mean? I have been focusing my attention on these sentiments and would like to look more closely at following my heart. This is what I found.  

To follow the heart is not necessarily going to rid you of the fear you are perceiving, in the current moment, it may even accelerate the feeling of fear.

By standing on the edge of our comfort zones we have two choices, to move forward and step into the perceived fear or step back and put ‘change’ out of our mind and continue in our current holding pattern and hope the intensity passes only to find that the fear increases.

Whenever we follow our hearts, our hearts may lead us into unchartered territory or rough waters, this is part of the preparation for opening ourselves up to the new changes ahead.  

When we follow our hearts we allow our souls path to guide us through life and all feelings of regret, frustration and hopelessness leave us. Acceptance, compassion and forgiveness become part of us and this energy expands so we have more of this in our lives.

There is a fine line between fear and love. The adrenalin that is present in both cases is the same and we must embrace this energy force and step into it completely committed, without doubt, to receive the awesomeness of life.  To deny this force is to deny ‘lifeforce’. This may leave you frustrated and stuck in old patterns, finding new habits to distract you from your discomfort about being in your present state. Resulting in, stagnant energy or dis-ease.

To follow our hearts is to do so with faith, to let go of conditions and expectations of how things “should” be and accept how things are.... 

It is to allow ourselves to be open to receiving our manifestation in its pure form, without manipulation from our own restrictive minds and negative thoughts.  

Our thoughts dictate our reality.  F.E.A.R. is an acronym for “false, evidence appearing real”. Hence we all have different fears based on our experiences in this world.  To assist your healing in any form you must embrace the FEAR with LOVE and follow your heart.  

Accept the journey no matter how treacherous it may seem from your current viewpoint and have faith that it will lead you to greener pastures..... Following your heart and following your passion will always lead to LOVE.

I will leave you with this quote from Rumis’ book of poems, this is a translation of the love poem: Rumi tells us "the supreme secret of the inner journey is the path of love."
"If we can possess our whole heart with contemplation of the beloved we will experience the wonders and beauty of the universe."

Expansion v's depression.

The word “depression” or “depressed” is commonly heard in conversations today and is used to describe just about any emotion or feeling that is the opposite of happy.

What happened to being “sad” or just experiencing "melancholy"?  Its almost as if whenever we feel less than happy we are described as being depressed.  Everybody throws the word depressed around as a way of describing a feeling.  Its like we have forgotten the language of feeling.

The following are some definitions of depression as described from Websters dictionary:

1. A mental state characterized by a pessimistic sense of inadequacy and a despondent lack of activity.

2. A long-term economic state characterized by unemployment and low prices and low levels of trade and investment.

3. A sunken or depressed geological formation.

With this in mind I’d like to pose the following.  Depression is a dip in the road, an opportunity to take a rest, a time for reflection, a place to go within away from the chaos in the world, a time for a holiday, to go walkabout, to meditate, a curve ball, to contemplate, or create.

Is it possible that western society with the help of psychologists have taken a normal human emotion or feeling and labelled it in such away as to limit it?  Is depression no different to the common cold?  If we do not look after our immune systems then the cold becomes a flu and we experience more symptoms. We know that if this happens we need to look after ourselves better and we take vitamins etc….

Depression, is no different.

Dr Masuri Emoto of Japan, study on water molecules. Check this youtube clip from the documentary "What the bleep do we know"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TWAuc9GIvFo

Is it not perfectly normal to go in to "self" from time to time to evaluate, to look at ourselves and contemplate this journey we are on?  To hold ourselves accountable, to take responsibility. I believe that this is the perfection of the human being, our own inner thermometer. OUR OWN JUDGE AND JURY.

In other cultures around the world such as in Asia, depression is not recognised quite the same way.  It is looked upon as being a more physical issue. Stephen Lau from “Depression and the Oriental Health” writes that: “from a Chinese medicine perspective, depression is largely related to the stagnation of liver"qi." ("Qi" is internal life energy coursing through the physical body, nourishing your body cells with life-giving oxygen. When there is blockage, instead of smooth flowing, of "qi", disease and disorder occur.)


Your liver is related to the emotions of anger and frustration. It is important you learn how to manage your anger and frustration, including expressing and repressing them. Stress management plays a critical role.”

Perhaps in viewing depression in this way we can start to become more empowered and realise that we have the opportunity to use this energy to our advantage instead of becoming a victim of it.  When we start to feel the overwhelm of our modern lifestyles taking over our thoughts and emotions this is like an alarm clock, alerting us to take time out, to take a step back and ask yourself, is this behaviour, activity or thought form serving me right now?

In feeling these feelings and asking ourselves these questions we start to move from a place of limitation and suppression to a place of expansion.  If we take the opportunity to take a break from the mundane, everyday and enter into our daydreams, we are transported and move into a place of creation and expansion. Let me give a personal example.

Recently I was feeling overwhelmed by increasing pressure to have a job, maintain a mortgage, be a single mum to 4 children and somehow keep my creative soul alive.  I could feel myself getting more weighed down and losing my enthusiasm for life again.  I was finding it hard to get out of bed and generally lacked energy.  My thoughts started to become self defeating and I was feeling trapped and oppressed by my situation.  In my frustration I went for walk on the beach, with a million negative and conflicting thoughts in my head, after a while I stopped took a breath, sat down and quietly I spoke to heart. “Tell me what I need to do?” I just waited. I emptied my mind of all thoughts and just sat and focused on my breathing and the ocean in front of me.

After about 10 mins of silence, I heard it, very quietly but I heard it.  The answer came and I knew it instantly was the right thought because it felt GOOD.  It felt expansive, it felt infinite, it felt full of possibility and most of all the energy I had been missing returned suddenly.  Every time I spoke about or thought about the answers I had received that day, I could feel the surge of excitement at the possibilities and infinite potential that surrounded me. No longer did I feel trapped and powerless.  I felt empowered.

The details are not important, as most people will tell you, depression is not caused by one thing.  It just is.  I believe that depression is here to show us ourselves, its asking us to look at how we are being and change it.  Its asking us to flip it! Its asking us to look deeper without fear of who we are and embrace it.  

The length of time we stay in depression is based on our resistance to feeling it.  I am somebody who through my life’s journey learnt to work with depression and use it for my creative pursuits.  It doesn’t mean I am never sad, or glum, or challenged or feel grief.  The key is to feel and to understand the feelings, get to know your feelings and do not fear them.  They are there to help you stay true to your heart and be a human being full of infinite potential and expansiveness. Limitation and suppression is created by our fear of ourselves.  Its all a matter of perception. Depression is a necessary tool for our understanding of “SELF”.

By Kate Brilli

Nutrition for the Soul

30/06/2012

Old Cherokee Proverb......

Found this on facebook today, my heart skipped a beat and I had goosebumps on my arms.
When I read or experience something that resonates with my very core, it is easy to know the truth. It makes perfect sense and puts so much into perspective when you read something as simple and profound as this.  
Man is physically strong, Woman is strong emotionally, Man is scientific, logical and methodical and Woman is intuitive, empathic and compassionate.  Man rigid and hard, Woman is soft and supple.  
The age of Aquarius, the rise of the feminine is here and as we shift and head into 2013,  perhaps its time to revisit our roles on the planet and do what we do best. 

At the moment we need to reconnect to source and need to work with the earth. Protect her and walk gently with her as she changes and shifts. It is not our role to restrict, force or take from her.  We can apply the Cherokee proverb to every aspect of our lives.  If we look at the feminine and masculine roles within us and then outside of us we can see the expression of what we have neglected to nurture. 
Women are not protected or revered and not free in many parts of the world, thus this translates to Women having to take on a more masculine role in society. Its time to stop and reflect upon the myths, legends, proverbs and ancient teachings in search for the wisdom that will assist us in rebalancing not only ourselves but the planet. 

The goddess needs to return with the protection of the god within us all. 
You cannot be free to create and manifest unconditional love, if you have to protect yourself all the time, it is counteractive energy.....love is to create and fear provokes the need for protection. While we are busy spending millions of dollars on protection (fear) we cannot then spread love and compassion and create a harmonious planet.

It is the right brain (feminine) that needs nurturing at this time.  Explore your  feminine and watch her transform you and in turn see the expression and manifestation of your thoughts and actions change alongside it. 

GUIDANCE......

The human need to conquer and control can be so strong that even the little things are forced.

I believe that when we talk of "faith" what we are really trying to convey, is the grace and presence of mind to trust in the universe and the intention that was sent out long before, to create the present moment.  Only then if we are in this "peace of mind" can we hear the intuition and feel the feeling authentically, without the influence of thought. In this space we are instantly aligned with the universal intelligence.  WE ARE GUIDED.....

For about 6 months I have been asking for a space to work from, to share my work with others.  I have been asking for a space that is not expensive and that will work in harmony with my philosophy on life. Every time I tried to find this space and "force" the task, the energy would just disappear and it would feel all wrong.  Other times I was distracted. 

Over these past 6 months I have been focusing on feeling and knowing and listening to guidance.  Today whilst completely off with the fairies out of nowhere, a random thought entered my head, to visit the local living and learning centre to ask about hiring their rooms.  I met the lady who runs the place and instantly we had rapport, authenticity and synchronicity was at work and she recognised in me what I recognised in her. 

We chatted about my ideas and instantly she offered me work and then said in lieu of volunteering etc... I could use the space for free to run my workshops and sharing classes. :)

Every thing happens in perfect time if we let it.

LET GO and Trust your intuition and the messages that the universe sends you.

Its like learning another language, understand the language and practice it and your fluency will improve.  

KEEP IT SIMPLE.

ALLOW the SPACE.

GUIDANCE WILL ENTER.

Positive thinking is temporary/ Positive feeling is everlasting.

I hear a lot of people talk about positive thinking. YES positive thinking is a start and definately transforms negative thinking (albeit temporarily), the key here is the "thinking". Thinking is temporary, it is like a river designed to flow on through.  

Try positive "feeling"!!! DO THINGS that give you a POSITIVE FEELING!!! The body learns fastest and transforms energy quickest when it experiences things. We learn better through experience than just through knowledge. TAKE YOUR POSITIVE THINKING ONE STEP FURTHER AND CREATE POSITIVE FEELING!!! TAKE ACTION AND DO THINGS THAT MAKE YOU FEEL AWESOME!!! EXPERIENCE JOY, RADIATE JOY AND THINK JOYFUL!!! 

Experiences become part of the soul, part of our DNA, everything we experience we create and its part of us, it impacts how we think, react, behave and so on..... If we want to change our lives and stop being victims of negative energy, then its best to go to the source of our creation.... OUR EXPERIENCES! 

By starting to choose experiences that make us FEEL good in every way without judgment, fear or limitation, we can start to incrementally affect our whole reality.  The ripple effect. By having positive experiences it is only natural that we will have a positive thought to match.  OUR VIBRATION HAS LIFTED TO MATCH OUR EXPERIENCES.

It makes sense to me that working this way is more affective in changing ourselves than trying to control the ever transient mind that is subject to energetic influences and self doubt. The mind is connected to EGO, the Heart is connected to feeling. When we work from the feeling we are naturally in our hearts and our minds can go back to doing what they do best... maths ;) science;) etc....

GET out in the sunshine and FEEL, Get out in the rain and FEEL, start to reconnect with your heart through feeling and CHANGE YOUR WHOLE REALITY. :)

The conundrum of the inner gypsy

These are not my pictures...All credit goes to the source, however the source is unknown.

The conundrum of living in a left brain world...... My dreams are filled with these amazing images yet my reality exists of something very different.  An outdated belief in necessity born from conditioning and fear that routine and safety comes before this impossible dream.  YET here I AM, selling my last remaining asset and choosing a life beyond the humdrum and the mundane.  Away from routine.  

Scary standing on the edge of society and trusting the process of life to provide everything we need. Freedom is scary if you are not prepared to accept the consequences..... Freedom is easier when your  just responsible for yourself, however I am responsible for the children I have brought into this world... Who am I to remove them from everything they know to fill their lives with uncertainty and adventure, with possibilities and challenges? Is it my job to expose them or is it my job to protect them and keep them from the world until they are old enough to seek themselves.  

Do criminals sub consciously create their criminal lives so they are imprisoned and kept from freedom, because they secretly feel safer in the prison environment? Do people who study in universities and then spend their whole lives working in institutions or universities find themselves feeling safer because they know the structure and environment and feel as if they have an element of control? Even if it is an illusory one........ 
I believe we are fundmentally creatures of habit, we have a tendency to cling and attach ourselves to things, people or places.  Its a way of feeling like we belong to a clan or tribe or community.  Is this a part of us that is reminiscent of our ancestors? Yet we learn our greatest lessons and often have the most amazing "aha" moments when we are removed from the mundane. When we are challenged, when all our senses are active and trying to make sense of the environment or place we find ourselves, we are trully alive and everything about us is buzzing and stimulated.  
Surely this is a better space for us to be in to learn?  
I read today that President Bush had never travelled out of first world countries before making presidency.  How can a man who is put in a position of power have so little wisdom?  Wisdom comes from experiences, understanding and compassion for diversity.  Knowledge can be learned, wisdom has to be experienced. Knowledge fuels the left brain, Experience fuels the right brain.  I feel as individuals we owe it to ourselves and the collective consciousness to balance ourselves and open ourselves up to the experiences to fuel and ignite the passion and creativity thats needed for us to evolve.  
Am I excited? YES! Am I scared? YES! I choose "LIFE" and I choose it for my children too! 

Here we go.........

A work in progress, dream weaving is one of 40 symbols I'm working on.

They tell me that this is the way to go for all budding writers.... I guess I like the idea of writing directly online, its a way for instant gratification.  In this fast paced world it seems that we are all a little impatient on the journey and need gratification and validation to fuel our passions and therefore stay committed.  

Its time to move on and evolve!!! So here I am! Warts and all! Ready to share my musings, creations, perceptions and observations with whom ever stumbles upon this blog.